Football Jargon - A Language In a League Of Its Own!

All sports have their own jargon but none is so great as 'the language of football.'

All professions like to envelop themselves with an air of mystery and often do this be by inventing/creating a language of their own, that both confuses and belittles outsiders. Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, IT Specialists - all rely on our fear of their superior knowledge to safeguard their interests.

Of all sports, football arouses the blindest loves and the bitterest hatreds, and as a result football commentators, reporters, players and managers have developed a way of speaking to express these deepest emotions.

Football is 'unique' in that it has a language that is both lacking in poetry and invention!

This extraordinary dialogue has been created through the sheer passion felt by all those who have an affiliation with the game, and could be summed up as an assortment of incredible claptrap, baloney, mumbo jumbo, drivel, tripe and balderdash!

The contrast for example between the facility with which 'star players' express themselves on the pitch and their inarticulacy off it can be a source of embarrassment and humour!


Without further ado, here are some of my favourites:

'He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces' - Ron Atkinson.

'Hagi could open a tin of beans with his left foot' - Ray Clemence.

'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven dicks on the field' - Metro Radio.

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman.

'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Everytime there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card' - Kevin Keegan.

'We had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match' - Ruud Gullit.

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel' - Stuart Pearce.

'When a player gets to thirty, so does his body' - Glenn Hoddle.

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.' - John Helm.


Stock Phrases:

'We were robbed.'

'We gave 110 per cent.'

'This match is a definite six-pointer'

'A peach of a ball.'

'That was a bad goal to concede.'

'Now would be a good time to score'

'A schoolboy howler'


And I ask you:

Why is a left foot either 'trusty' or 'educated', but a right foot is neither?

Why is a bad back pass almost invariably 'suicidal' ?

Why are hooligans always a 'tiny minority' even when there seem to be hundreds of them throwing seats across Kenilworth Road?

Classic Football Quotations said by Football Fans or made about Football Fans - Part Two

It'll be a good day for the burglars and one one when the sheep will be left in peace - DICK CAMPBELL, Brechin City manager, on the exodus of fans from the city (population 10,000) to Rangers for a Scottish Cup tie, 2001.

To celebrate Arsenal's defeat in Europe, 10 per cent off everything - ADVERT by the food retailer 'World of Kosher' in the Jewish Chronicle, 2004.

The fans all had the the complexion and body scent of a cheese and onion crisp, and the eyes of pit-bulls - MARTIN AMIS, novelist, reviewing a book on football hooliganism, 1991.

A policeman called me at home. Friday night again. He'd caught a dozen courting couples in the stand and asked me what to do with them. I told him to fix the bloody fence and board 'em in. Best gate of the season it would have been - FRED WESTGARTH, Hartlepool's manager, 1957.

We don't need Viagra to stay up - BANNER by Charlton fans, a month before their team were relegated, 1999.

I always answer letters from supporters. It's death threats I object to - REG BURR, Millwall chairman, 1990.

Even the hooligans had a good time and enjoyed the party. Maybe the cannabis relaxed them - JOHAN BEELAN, Dutch police chief, on the behaviour of England fans in Eindhoven, 2000.

The English stick their psychos in Broadmoor, while the Welsh put theirs in Ninian Park - FULHAM FANZINE, There's only one F in Fulham, awarding Cardiff supporters 0 out of 10 in their 'Best Fan' poll, 1995.

I expect abuse, but I also got a hamburger and about £4.50 in change - GARY NEVILLE, Manchester United captain, on objects thrown at him by Liverpool fans at Anfield, 2006.

Will the owner of a horse attached to a rag-and-bone cart in the visitors' car park return to his vehicle immediately - ANNOUNCEMENT at Cardiff City when West Ham were the visitors, 2004.

He told me I was a dead man and that I wouldn't get out of The Den alive. Then he said I was fat. I said: 'Have you looked at yourself lately?' - KEVIN PRESSMAN, Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper, on being confronted by a pitch invader at Millwall, 1995.

Are you Tamworth in disguise? - SONG by Burton Albion fans as Manchester United were held 0-0 in the FA Cup against the non-league side, 2006.


To see more classic quotations made by Fans, Managers, Chairmen and Players alike posted on this site previously, type Quotations into the search box in the top left hand corner of the page).